Wherever you Go, there you Are
What is this force that drives us far from the comfort of the familiar and makes us take up challenges instead, even though we know that the glory of this world is only transitory? I believe this impulse is called the search for the meaning of life. Over many years of seeking a definitive answer to this question…in both the dangerous and easy paths I have followed…I have found many answers. I am convinced now that a definitive answer will never be given to us in this life, but that, at the last, at the moment when we stand once more before the Creator, we will understand each opportunity that was offered to us. – Paulo Coehlo
I’m sitting here in the sun, typing away, sniffling with a head cold and constantly distracted by the feeling of the wind on my skin, light on the mountains, and taste of strong coffee (the eastbound jetlag is real!). I just returned from 3 months of adventure and growth in Australia, and as promised, am sending along my final retirement post to everyone that’s been a part of my skiing journey. I’ll make no promises on the length of this update, but know that I am working diligently toward brevity!
Before I give an update, I want to recognize a very close friend, teammate, and personal hero of mine that is no longer with us. Shelby Dickey was killed while road biking near North Bay 2.5 weeks ago, and it still doesn’t feel real. Shelby was a truly amazing human being: the most selfless friend and teammate I’ve ever had; an inquisitive student-athlete; an insanely hard worker at everything she did; a pure joy to be around (because she was so authentic; no façade; no pretending); was hands down the strongest woman I know (inside and out)….and the list goes on. She and I spent many long, sweaty hours working for Larry at highlands, building trails and ripping out fences…many chilly/toasty training sessions on and off snow…many epic chats around our dining table as roomies on Third Street when we both moved to Canmore, fresh out of high school….she was the skier I followed and attempted to emulate the most (pristine technique!), and I will spend the rest of my days attempting to emulate her selflessness, badass strength, passion for the important things in life, and zany zeal. She will be dearly missed by her incredible family, boyfriend, teammates, friends, and classmates. Zubbs, I’ll dance my face off every chance I get, eat all the good glutard chocolate, and channel your shining stardom for the rest of my days.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, butthey will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou
I feel like a profoundly different person than when I left for Australia just over 3 months ago, and I think that is partly due to a shift in perspective, and partly due to moving on with a fresh chapter and being blown away by the opportunities I’ve been gifted. I spent June with my bestie/brogan AJ, on the Sunny and Gold Coasts in the state of Queensland (the north eastern side of Aus), and could not have been happier in the sun, surf, and sand. We hiked and ran in the Glasshouse Mountains; visited the beaches and trails AJ grew up on; connected with his epic tribe (shout-out to Kelcey, Pig, Dave, Brendan, AJ’s family, and countless others!)…and just in general had a kickass time exploring his crazy country. I can’t thank King Onions enough for his time, friendship, and ability to bring forth the best in everyone around him. Here’s to many more days of rainbow waves/turtles/dolphins/whales/roos in the span of five minutes, hot chippies w/aioli, and driving/dancing sing-alongs!
On June 30thI then headed south to the state of Victoria, up and into the mountains…and back to winter at Falls Creek! I spent two weeks living the training camp life with the Aus Junior NT and the state Junior team, then 4 two-week homestays with local families in the glorious mountain town of Mount Beauty. For 2 months, I settled into a regular routine coaching everything from school kids (way to crush it at interschools, MBSC and FCPS!) to masters and all abilities in-between. I was so blessed to have the Birkebeiner Nordic Ski Club and Aus Team welcome me with open arms, and I met so many incredibly kind and generous people, I can still hardly believe it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the families, all the athletes, and every other epic soul I connected with amongst the snow gums and bongong high plains…truly, it was the experience of a lifetime, and I KNOW I will be back. I meant it when I said, please come visit, and I’ll show off my wilderness here in Canada! Huge shout-out also to Stan, Ben, Bri, Peter, and Nicola for putting up with me in Bright on my off days and taking me on adventures/paragliding/epic eats on your side of the valley!
A few things that stood out to me about the xc-skiing life down under? 1) Aussie skiers are tough AF. The wind is brutal; the rain is bloody cold; and they know what it’s like to have to work jobs whilst training full time to fund the dream. Tres cactus, all day errday. Muchos respect to you all…and special shout-out to Casey & Ronice for being there for me through thick and thin. 2) Snow gums are so eerie and beautiful…and the crust skiing (off track!) is next-level amazing. 3) I learned that I love to ski; I love to help people become the best versions of themselves; I love being outside most of the day…but I don’t think full-time coaching is my destiny right now (apologies to those who had to put up with my impatience and thrills, drills, and spills this winter/summer!)… I know in my heart I’m ready to take a step back from the skinny skis for a while, but man alive, if there’s any ski culture in the world that resonates with me and feels like home, it’s Australia.
I guess the other thing I forgot to mention was that I’d planned on racing the Worldloppet series race, the Kangaroo Hoppet, at Falls Creek at the end of August. Turns out, the universe had other plans, and I wasn’t meant to race on the skate skis again. I sprained my ankle super badly in June (thanks AJ, Kelcey, and Pig for hauling me around and healing me), and though I made myself skate ski on it to coach through July and August, it wasn’t ready to tackle a 42km race with lateral motion - probably because I didn’t give it the time and rest it needed to heal (I wanted to take part in everything the moment I arrived on snow!). Thus, I started the race at the back of the pack, and completed it on classic skis, in a tutu (thanks Ronice), because I could…and loved every windy second of it. The Cherry Ripe bars and sunshine probably helped. I wrapped up the two months more technically and tactically sound than I ever was as a racer - coaching will do that to you! - feeling more at peace with skiing, purely for the joy of floating across the snow, than I ever have. I realized that I love to ski because I love to be in the wilderness, I love silence and sometimes I love company on adventures, and I love to feel like my body is in flow state, one with the earth…and in my retirement, I can still have all that – minus all the other parts of being an elite athlete I no longer enjoy. I can take what I love from this chapter and move on from the rest? Magic! How lucky am I!?
When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself. — Paulo Coelho.
Sitting on the beach in Queensland, when all I wanted to do was rip around and explore in June, was the biggest blessing the universe could have given me on this trip…as it finally brought forth the yin energy in me. All my life I’ve been all yang energy, a go-getter, never slowing down…but having to take these months that I’d planned to be so “BEAST MODE = ON” at an easier pace showed me that I have both the cool blue water and red fiery flames in me, and can tap into either energy whenever I choose. Sitting on the plane back to Canada, so sad to leave that wild continent and already missing my tribe, I reflected that my very favourite moments of pure joy in Australia all took place on the ocean. Even though I have a deep love and respect for the forest and mountains, and they’ll always be a part of me and my life (I hope!), something in me feels even more at peace and yin on the sea than anywhere else in the world. Even as a little girl, I dreamed of being a marine biologist and working with aquatic life, up until the point I discovered endurance sport in grade nine and put that passion on the backburner for 11 years. Now, mi amigos, it is time to wind back the clock, get a little hectic, and take another risk…how good is life?!
Thus I’m super stoked to share that the next chapter for me involves a 6 month internship on a wildlife reserve in Costa Rica, followed by 2 years of polishing off my degree in Professional Communication at Royal Roads University on Vancouver Island (it’s split between on campus/online studying). After that, I’m not certain whether I’ll head in the direction of adventure journalism, ecological conservation, working for a non-profit again, or who knows, maybe something else entirely. No doubt it will be exciting, full of random crazy happenings (my normal existence, it seems), and I hope to wake up every day stoked to work hard and make a difference. After living what feels like a very selfish athlete lifestyle the last decade, I feel deep down that it’s time to put my energy into leaving this world better than I found it, even if only in some tiny way. I realize that in itself is hugely egotistical, so I’ve clearly got work to do! Challenge accepted.
I will be here in Canmore with my dear friends Georgie and Roland till late September, have three weeks in Ontario visiting my beautiful family and enjoying the autumn colours in October, then head to the southwest corner of CR (near the Osa Peninsula) from October 19-March 26, 2020 (Ron, don’t worry, the priority is the dance floor on March 27!). March 2020-2022 I’ll be working on my degree, with a couple stints on campus, and the rest of the time spent studying abroad, as a bit of a digital nomad, in the hopes of working on both my Spanish and French. I feel so lucky to be able to design my education in ways I know I will learn the most, whilst also being able to balance spending time with those I love and exploring the world. My teammates said, man, most athletes retire from elite sport and settle into a more “normal” lifestyle…whereas Erin is going to be doing even more travel and wild things than she did as an athlete…and I can’t help but smile and agree, knowing that even though I feel a bit uprooted/like I’m drifting right now, I’m exploring my interests and searching for my next passion and purpose…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
With that in mind, there are too many legendary individuals to try and thank for their guidance during this past passionate chapter of mine. Since I have connected with almost all of you about my retirement, rather than naming [all the] names, here’s a brief-ish timeline of the folks that brought me from the start pen at Huron Perth at Pete’s farm, right down to the finish line of the Hoppet:
my days figure skating and playing soccer in Howick Township…where it all began!
Nordic skiing, track and field, and xc running at FE Madill – friends and coaches for life! Extra special awesome possum hug to Julie, for everything.
The Highlands Trailblazers and my sledgehammer teammates and coaches in the Duntroon hills. Channelling those inner grouses and rhinos forevermore.
My days training and traveling with Biathlon Ontario: you showed me the ropes in this wild sport, and made me fall in love with the challenge and beauty of it. Extra fist bump to Kris, for coaching this total newbie and believing in me when everyone else said I started too late/would never make it.
The BATC and Junior National Biathlon Team here in Canmore, Alberta…Richard’s angels/batches are gals I’m blessed to have in my corner for life.
Luke, John, the Rocky Mountain Racers, and their wild tribe of hooligans by my side through ups, downs, and so many laughs. Bloody bonza of a ride! This CBC commercial I filmed with John is 2.5 years old now, but it still resonates: https://www.cbc.ca/sports/thebond/2016/#erin-yungblut
Biathlon Canada and the Canadian IBU and World Cup teams: granting my dream of racing for Canada for 6 years straight, and showing me how to be a professional on the world stage.
Nutter’s Canmore and Fast and Female for providing a broke athlete with a part-time job to fuel both her dream and her spirit.
All the amazing friends that became like family during my time here in Canmore (G&R, PC, KG, Karen, Jules, Cheyenne/Lada/Kamila at Wildflower, Joline, Jess, my Fusebox frandz, my dance buddies…).
The countless sponsors that selflessly gave their time, money, energy, and passion in my name and for my cause. Every single race I completed with the Canadian flag on my back was because of you. I am so sad I never made my Olympic dream for you guys, but so proud to have given this journey my damndest! Special shout-out to the LRRC, Pinecrest, Bob Ward, Howick Optimists, Glassiers, MFS, and many, many others that literally have been at my back and in my heart since I was 18 and dreaming wild dreams. Your belief in me carried me even when I didn’t have a shred of faith in myself.
Finally, I don’t write about them enough, because I take them for granted, and that’s not ok. Words can’t describe my gratitude to my beloved family, immediate and extended, for your endless support, love, optimism, and shoulders to cry on. I absolutely could not have made it this far without you all, and I hope in this next chapter to start giving back to you the love and light you’ve shone upon me for so many years. I can only hope to be as selfless and generous as you all are for the rest of my days, to try and make up a tiny fraction of the kindness I’ve been shown day after day and year after year. See you soon for some time in the hills/on the water/bushbashing!
Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming. ― John Wooden
I was next going to list a highlight reel of everything I accomplished in my biathlon career, but that now suddenly feels very egotistical, and I think everyone would rather hear about the ‘real’ stuff – everything I LEARNED in sport. Ok, so writing EVERYTHING I learned would take a lifetime, and that’s why I’m so grateful for sport and the lessons I took from it…I will apply it all throughout the rest of my life, and draw upon the strength I now know resides deep within me. Actually, I think that if you wanted to read some more novellas like this one about lessons in sport, you can just flip back through my blog…I tend to be a bit of a deep thinker. So where does this leave me?
Right here, right now, living by the mantra: “Wherever you go, there you are.” I truly believe that our greatest power resides in each and every moment of our lives; we just need to be still enough to recognize that spark deep within and channel it. Over my career, my very best handful of races happened when I was in that magical flow state; one with my body, the snow, the rifle, the forest/mountains…as if nothing else existed. So at this very moment, with less knowledge/control of my future than I feel I’ve ever had, I’m sinking into the power of now and trying to BE more to do more. Be more present wherever I’m blessed enough to find myself on this globe, be more authentic as that’s the easiest way to exist, and simply being there for those I love (working on that dance floor, AJ).
In conclusion, you lose some of yourself when you’re pursuing mastery, for sure… but I think that’s innately a part of chasing your personal legend; you have a passion, and you go all in. Going big or going home means you’re genuinely giving your all to your pursuit…being an elite athlete is certainly a 24/7 job, and it’s all-consuming: body, mind, and spirit. I think it would be impossible for me to walk away right now and not leave some part of myself behind. And that’s ok. We’re under no obligation to be the same person we were yesterday. I have nothing but love and gratitude for this chapter, as I wouldn’t have learned everything I did, met all the amazing people I met, felt all the loving feels I felt…if I hadn’t committed to this path up the mountain. Moving across the country at age 18 and pursuing my dream – attempting to summit this biathlon mountain, specifically – brought me to where I am right here, right now, and I have nothing but opportunity ahead of me. Wow. I was worried that the sense of goals denied – the things I didn’t accomplish – would obscure the gift that lies in the trajectory of my life….but it hasn’t. The freedom to choose my own line and commit to it, free will I guess you’d say, is something I hope never to take for granted.
I always like to wrap up my coaching sessions with a discussion on what we learned that day, and give a tangible thought on how to move forth from that, onward and upward toward the light. Here goes, for today: I urge you to find your harmonious passions in life – the things that ignite your spirit will take you to unimaginable places. Obsessive passion, what I mistakenly fell into for many years, is when the success you strive for is closely tied to external validation (results, recognition). But when the success you strive for is related to the experience of doing an activity itself, to the INTERNAL satisfaction of giving a pursuit your ALL, then you have harmonious passion.
How to do that? Define a PATH you want to be on, not necessarily specific goals (surround yourself with a tribe that helps you stay committed to that path)…remind yourself of that path frequently (Shelby and I posted quotes around our house and instilled solid daily routines and habits)…and resist short-term pleasure in favour of long term growth (ie be gritty and work f*ing hard. My parents taught me that). Oh and have some fun along the way…CHILL, and it WILL.
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for an unforgettable journey. Here’s to the mountains you are all climbing, right now…sending you love, light and strength along the path.
When the order to move on comes, the Warrior looks at all the friends she has made during the time she followed the path.She taught some to hear the bells of a drowned temple; she told others stories around the fire.
Her heart is sad, but she knows that her sword is sacred ad that she must obey the orders of the One to whom she offered up her struggle.
Then the warrior thanks her traveling companions, takes a deep breath, and continues on… laden with memories of an unforgettable journey.
-Paulo Coehlo
Ps. Here’s a CBC Documentary (the Nature of Things) on the beach and researchers I worked with last time I went to CR, if you need a turtle fix today – I’ll be a few hundred km south of here, working with a bunch of different projects, this time around: https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/turtle-beach
Pura Vida EY PS:
What I'm...
Listening to: see playlists below Dancing to: livin’ la vida loca (ricky martin),send me on my way (rusted root), bad guy (billie ellish), woman like me (little mix and nikki minaj), you need to calm down (tswift), my new swag (Vava, nina wang), 3G (wisin ft Jon Z), come to brazil (why don’t we)
Watching: “One Strange Rock” – a planet-earth-esque series narrated by Will Smith, from the perspective of astronauts…thanks Pig!
Eating: in Aus: meat pies on Dickey beach, the nation's best sausage rolls (with a view), vegemite & butter on toast, way too many oranges and lemons (they were growing in all the backyards!), and best-ever vegan pumpkin soup/almond milk Tim Tam slams in Bright. Here and now: divine meals prepared with love by Georgie!
Drinking: Long blacks. And Eclipse coffee in Roland's aeropress. Wearing: The exact same small, simple wardrobe I've had in my backpack since May 30th. And you know what? It's more than I need and I don't even miss variety. Reading: "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
Working on: mi espanol, and return to rougher trail running with a wobbly ankle.
Rocking at: living way more yin and going with the flow.
Playlist highlights from my ski career:
Eminem – Rap God, Phenomenal, Till I Collapse (..and anything with both Eminem and 50 Cent)
I lived – one republic
Excavate – macklemore
Free – Emilie sande
Anything - hedley
Walk away - xavier rudd
Bright Lights – matchbox twenty
learn to let go – kasha
Move On - mike posner
Into the Wild, you Want it All - LP
I am Here – p!nk
Never let me go – florence and the machine
dancing in the dark - rihanna
thunder – imagine dragons
Forever Young – rod stewart
Learning to Fly – tom petty
Muevelo – Pitbull
I like how it feels - enrique
Carry out -Timbaland
this isn't control - ms mr
anything could happen – ellie goulding
Playlist Right now:
basically everything by Jess Glynn and Alice Merton - HOW GOOD!
Forever on your Side - need to breath w/ Johnny Swim
Shotgun - George Ezra
Someone you Loved - Lewis Capaldi
Edge of Desire - John Mayer
Lover (you don't treat me no good) - Nick Murphy/Chet Faker remix
Chosen - Rose Cousins
Still Breathing - dig the kid
Turn all the Lights On - T-Pain, Ne-yo
Bust a Move - young MC
If I Ever Saw Heaven - Roan Ash
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Hallelujah - Soweto Gospel Choir
The Hanging Tree - rebel remix
In the Blue - kelly clarkson
Connection - one republic
like Johnny and June - angus and julia stone
zero - imagine dragons
little boy - barns courtney
bleed it out - linkin park
empty heart - grace potter
